So I'm going to attempt the Master Cleanse. You know this thing, right?
It basically involves fasting for 10 days- drinking only a lemonade-type concoction during the day, a laxative tea at night and an apparently extremely nasty saltwater 'flush' in the morning. This combination of liquids 'cleans out the colon' and whatnot, leaving one's insides and outsides shiny and new.
I particularly like how the Wikipedia article on the subject refers to the saltwater flush as 'a large volume of lukewarm brackish water' that 'serves as a top-down enema'.
I am currently sipping my first cup of laxative tea (ever), and in the morning I will be imbibing my first dose of super-fun-sounding brackishness. Yum!
Dearest Bryan is out of town, and I have the whole house to myself. It's so quiet without the Pandora and random piano sounds emanating* from his room. I picture the next few days as follows: myself curled up in bed with Infinite Jest and Geulah, drinking my brackish liquid and writhing in pain for several days... then I have the Aha! moment. I see a faint vision of the Virgin Mary with a brackish tear streaming down her left cheek. She beckons me and I follow. She leads me to the bathroom where I sit and expel copious amounts of toxins. She uses her royal blue cape to wipe beads of sweat from my forehead. I instantly float upward, feeling to unbearable lightness of a squeaky clean colon...
And so on.
Well, with Smooth Move now ingested, I'll curl up and wait for something to happen.
*it freaks me out that I don't really have to know how to spell anything anymore.
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