So I'm going to attempt the Master Cleanse. You know this thing, right?
It basically involves fasting for 10 days- drinking only a lemonade-type concoction during the day, a laxative tea at night and an apparently extremely nasty saltwater 'flush' in the morning. This combination of liquids 'cleans out the colon' and whatnot, leaving one's insides and outsides shiny and new.
I particularly like how the Wikipedia article on the subject refers to the saltwater flush as 'a large volume of lukewarm brackish water' that 'serves as a top-down enema'.
I am currently sipping my first cup of laxative tea (ever), and in the morning I will be imbibing my first dose of super-fun-sounding brackishness. Yum!
Dearest Bryan is out of town, and I have the whole house to myself. It's so quiet without the Pandora and random piano sounds emanating* from his room. I picture the next few days as follows: myself curled up in bed with Infinite Jest and Geulah, drinking my brackish liquid and writhing in pain for several days... then I have the Aha! moment. I see a faint vision of the Virgin Mary with a brackish tear streaming down her left cheek. She beckons me and I follow. She leads me to the bathroom where I sit and expel copious amounts of toxins. She uses her royal blue cape to wipe beads of sweat from my forehead. I instantly float upward, feeling to unbearable lightness of a squeaky clean colon...
And so on.
Well, with Smooth Move now ingested, I'll curl up and wait for something to happen.
*it freaks me out that I don't really have to know how to spell anything anymore.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Roaches. Still.
My actual email to my landlord regarding our little kitchen problem:
Dear Insert landlord's Name-
X & X Pest Control came out to treat our rental house for roaches about a month ago, and our roach problem has not gotten better. Granted, I haven't seen as many large ones, but now there are lots and lots of smaller ones all over the kitchen. Whatever the Pest Control folks did, it didn't work. It's gotten pretty bad, especially at night. I turn on the light and can see them scatter. We are clean and do not leave food out. Nonetheless, every night I find roaches in the microwave, the dishwasher, the utensil drawer... basically in all of the various kitchen-related places one would not want to find them.
Should we call X & X and have them come out again, or is there something different you guys like to do in these cases (some sort of sealing or something)? We had already tried covering as many random cracks as we could with white duct tape, but that doesn't seem to be working.
Thanks for your help,
Me
insert my address
my email
my phone
Dear Insert landlord's Name-
X & X Pest Control came out to treat our rental house for roaches about a month ago, and our roach problem has not gotten better. Granted, I haven't seen as many large ones, but now there are lots and lots of smaller ones all over the kitchen. Whatever the Pest Control folks did, it didn't work. It's gotten pretty bad, especially at night. I turn on the light and can see them scatter. We are clean and do not leave food out. Nonetheless, every night I find roaches in the microwave, the dishwasher, the utensil drawer... basically in all of the various kitchen-related places one would not want to find them.
Should we call X & X and have them come out again, or is there something different you guys like to do in these cases (some sort of sealing or something)? We had already tried covering as many random cracks as we could with white duct tape, but that doesn't seem to be working.
Thanks for your help,
Me
insert my address
my email
my phone
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